Substitute Piece (scene dialogue)
by Molly Gillis
Oh my god. No.
What it’s fine, it’s normal I don’t care.
Oh my god. No no no I can’t stop no I can’t.
Keep going it’s fine let’s just-
I have to go to the bathroom
How does it feel?
Uh it feels good
Yeah?
Yeah um, can you go a little slower?
I like the way your
(uhhhh)
Oh you like that
Yeah you feel incredible
Oh baby you’re body is amazing
Oh I want it harder now
Oh god it feels- wait hold on wait
Wait what, what is it
The condom came off
WhatI don’t know where it is
What do you mean you don’t know where it is
It’s not on the bed
(they rifle through the sheets)
Did you just notice this right now?
Yes, I mean I don’t know what happened
Oh my god I have to go
Both girls exit and find each other in the hallway on the way to the bathroom.
Oh my god I didn’t realize you were home.
Yeah we got back from dinner early, are you here with Matt?
Yeah we ditched Nico’s birthday party a little early
Wait are we
Yes we are both having sex right now
I just queefed 1000 times and died
Well I need your help because I think there’s a condom lodged in my vagina and I need to locate it immediately
Oh my god
Noooooo
I don’t know which is worse
This is horrible
Please help me
Okay let’s go
Hey man,
Oh hey.
You guys go out tonight?
Yeah, you?
Yeah, we did.
(They stand awkwardly around in their boxer shorts waiting for their girlfriends who are locked with each other in the bathroom)
Dead silence.
Have you seen Alex?
Nah, nah.
Have you seen Morgan?
No, haven’t seen her.
AH okay.Cool, cool.
(More dead silence).
How am I supposed to get it out?
Well did you feel it?
Yeah I mean I think I felt someone but I don’t know
Well just use 2 fingers.
I can’t believe this is happening.
Just, you can do this.
Okay I think I feel it.
You got it
I think I got it
(She pulls out a condom and throws it in the toilet)
Oh my god. Oh my god.
It’s okay! It’s out! You’re good!
Do I need to get plan B or something? I mean what is the protocol for this?
I don’t think so I mean he didn’t finish right?
No, but like pre cum is that a thing?
I am not sure but I don’t think you have anything to be worried about.
Do we have to go back?
Yes.
Oh god.
That’s why I can’t do doggie after dinner.
I know but I don’t know
Okay lets go.
The girls walk into the living room where the boys have been waiting for them making the most INANE conversation about fantasy baseball.
Hey!
Hey.
Hey there.
Hi.
(They all stand around awkwardly not acknowledging that they were all having sex).
Did you guys have fun at that movie?
Oh it was Nico’s party
Oh right sorry the party
Yeah it was fun
Cool
What are you guys up to
Oh you know
Okay have a good night